The Pursuit of Happiness Might Be Making You Miserable

You look in the mirror, feeling good, wanting to carry a big smile everywhere you go. You do everything to make yourself feel warm and fuzzy. But what if all that effort is actually making you miserable?

Research from the University of Toronto suggests that actively pursuing happiness can be counterproductive. It turns out that constantly trying to be happy drains mental energy, leaving people with less capacity to do the things that actually bring them joy. In other words, the harder you try to be happy, the more elusive happiness becomes.

Tonight, we turn to our dynamic married duo, Jamie and Doug Baker, to weigh in. Jamie points out that people often set unrealistic expectations for happiness, making it impossible to achieve. Instead, she believes in embracing the small, simple joys—like watching her cats zoom around the house.

Doug, on the other hand, has a different perspective. “I just like being content,” he says. “When you’re content with who you are and what you have, you’re already happy. You don’t need to force it.”

That idea of “going with the flow” resonates with many. Doug admits he has shelves full of unread self-improvement books that once promised clarity and happiness. But over time, he realized that life isn’t something you can “fix” with a formula. Sometimes, you just have to live it.

The self-improvement industry rakes in $10 billion a year, selling books, seminars, and services that claim to lead people to happiness. But as Jamie points out, is that money better spent on a vacation, meditation, or simply doing what naturally brings you joy? “Why read a book about how someone else finds happiness? You have to find it for yourself.”

As their conversation wraps up, Jamie tries to correct herself, reaffirming that Doug does, in fact, make her happy—not just the cats. But Doug has already called it: too late.

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